Shut Up

Dear Nap Gods,

In my house in my childhood, we weren't allowed to tell each other to shut up. We also were cautioned against using the word "hate" in regards to most any living, breathing thing.

I do not hate my baby, and I'm not too keen on yelling SHUT UP up the stairs toward his cozy little bedroom where his round little head is punctuated with two blinking eyes, his fat little hands clutching his blanket to his chin like a little old widow clutching her hankie at a funeral. Instead, I would much prefer to entreat you buttholes to simply restore his regular-size naps.

Thank you,
Me

P.S. I hate nap strikes. Would someone please tell the loud, pissed-off lady in my head to shut up?

Have Yourself a Shallow Little Christmas

Rah! Rah! I'm skipping the Black Friday sales. Why? This ad on Craiglist appeared today, just in time for the holiday season. Don't you just loooove Hannah Montana and the Bratz? If only I could get more of their licensed products, but Target only stocks about half its store with their wares. Now I just need to find some 5T fishnets and a push-up training bra with side pockets for tequila-flavored lip gloss, so I can be done with my Christmas shopping for my kindergartner.

*****

Hannah Montana/Bratz purses - $5 (Middleton)
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Date: 2009-11-27, 12:21PM CST
Reply to: sale-grdgy-1484057077@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

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Available are a Hannah Montana purse and a Bratz purse. Asking $5.00 each. both in excellent condition. Have picture of front and back of purses.

•Location: Middleton
•it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 1484057077